Angel

As with the rest of my life, this pregnancy has basically put it on hold. I’m very lucky that I haven’t felt too terrible, just insanely tired.

Tired, and mostly couch bound.

Mornings are spent running around getting errands done, picking LJ up from school, cleaning the house (sorta), and anything else I can muster up the energy to do. By about 2pm, my day is over. The couch and I have a date, often nap is invited, and I peel myself up only in time to make dinner. Costco lasagna or frozen spinach raviolis anyone?

With all this sleeping and butt sitting going on, it’s easy to see why it took me months to get a “bath picture” for my MIL for her master bathroom wall. What’s cuter and easier to do than get a little pic of LJ in some bath type setting? A nap, that’s what.

Wrapped up in his little white towel, I can’t help but be reminded of what an angel my boy has been these past few months.

Cancelled trips to the park
Days on end without leaving the house
Too much TV
Getting his own snacks and juice boxes
Bringing me my phone/water/snack
Endless kisses to make my back or head feel better
Baths cut short cause I can’t bend over anymore
A halfway put together big boy room
Mac and cheese for lunch…again
Hours of stories cause bending over to play trains just isn’t in the cards
 

There have definitely been the less-than-angelic moments of peeing on freshly cleaned floors, fits over eating his meal, or not using his listening ears. But he’s three, what can I expect?

I certainly didn’t expect someone so wise, caring, and understanding far beyond his years. His concern for me and his brother are more than I ever imagined.

It’s ok Mommy, we get you your medicine.
I give it kiss, make it all better.
So Mommy, how was your day?
I want to hug brother.
I love you brother.
 

I’m glad I waited so long to take these pictures. They mean so much more than a cute little bug wrapped up in a towel now.

 

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To The Little Brother

Little Brother,

I wanted to take a minute to let you know things that LJ won’t remember, and you will never know. I hope one day you read this and know how much your big brother loves you.

At 3.5 years old, you would think he’s waited a million years for you to come. His excitement is more than Daddy and I ever imagined. He asks day and night, in the middle of Target, at home on the couch, during morning snuggles, to give you hugs and kisses. One day I hope you understand how precious it is to see him pull up my shirt so he can get to you to give you love.

LJ has big plans for you two. Endless hours of Thomas the Train, sleepovers in his room, and reading “Stein” Bears are top of his list. Showing you off to his friends at school and taking you to Auntie’s house to play with him, Wesley, and Sawyer are so exciting he claps when he talks about them. He’s so proud of you and proud to be your big brother already.

There will come those days where you two are pounding on each other, fighting over a toy, doing all the crazy things that brothers do that give their moms heart attacks. Even when he is the last person you want to see, remember, he loved you before you were even here, and I’m sure he loves you even more now.

As LJ says, keep growing “big and strong” in there Little Brother. There’s only a few more weeks to go until you are stuck with LJ kissing you and hugging you as much as I do.

Love,

Mommy

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He Is Who He Is

One of my favorite things about these past few months has been seeing LJ’s little personality come out. He’s very much entered the stage where he knows what he wants, what he wants to do, and what he wants things called.

They are Crocs, not shoes, Mom.

Excuse me, Sir LJ, I did not know I was committing such an egregious offense by calling them shoes.

Goldfish are fish, Cheez Its are square crackers, Ritz are circle crackers, and lemonade is “meyade”…in case you didn’t know.

With this little personality, it’s so fun to see more of myself come out in him. He’s always looked so much like his Daddy, that it has made me a little sad to not see much of me in him. Now, just have him open his mouth and out I come flying!

This morning I got a new activity all set up for him. Finger painting. 

To say that LJ doesn’t like to be dirty would be an understatement. He’s more anal about being clean than I am. He asks to take baths all the time. Any speck of sauce/dirt/whatever on his hands or face leads to immediate panic and frantic searching for a towel.

Mud wrestler he will not be.

Hoping against all hope, I was praying that finger painting might actually be something he could get into. He loves to paint with a brush and was really excited about making a picture for Grammy (my grandmother) for her birthday tonight. Please, oh please, do not be OCD boy and stick your little hands in that paint!

Yes, I was actually hoping my child would get dirty. Strange, but true.

What 3 year old finger paints with ONE finger dipped in ONE color at a time, then wipes it off between colors???? Mine.

After about 10 minutes and more paint on the paper towel than on the paper, he was over it. The child asked to go wash his hands.

Despite all my telling him it was ok to get messy, it’s no big deal there’s paint on your finger, that’s how you are supposed to do it, he just didn’t care.

And I LOVE that about him! He’s never one to join in the mess making even if everyone else is doing it, and he will certainly not follow his friends into the mud pit. He knows what he likes, he knows what he doesn’t, and no one is going to make him do otherwise. Not even his momma.

I can only hope to teach him how to use this resolve in the future. That he doesn’t have to do stupid teenage junk just cause his friends are. That it’s OK to make your own choices and not follow just cause everyone else is. That your 3 year old self had it right all along.

That it’s ok to paint with a brush instead of your fingers.

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I Solemnly Swear Things WILL Be Different

As a first time mom, I was a bit neurotic.

Up 25x a night putting my finger under his nose to make sure he was still breathing.
Refused to give him formula for almost 6 months even though I wasn’t making enough milk for him. (hindsight is 20 x20)
Carried a diaper bag that weighed 45 pounds cause I had to have everything….just incase.
I warmed his bottles, therefore creating a temperature snob. Not warm, not eating.
 

Photo by Brittany Davis Photography

I was literally a wreck for the first 6 months of LJ’s life. Beyond sleep deprived, spent 80% of the day with half a shirt on, and barely got out of the house.

So now, while my mind is still semi-clear and only partially hormone crazy, I’m promising my future self that things WILL be different.

If necessary, this child will get formula at night given by Daddy.
I will not get up every time I hear the baby cry and Hubs is up….he’s got it. 
No warming bottles. Room temperature or even cold. I’m not warming water bottles on my dashboard.
This child will sleep in his/her own room from day 1. I’ll get a video monitor, but no fingers under the nose/hand on chest during the night.

I know that many of the crazy things I did are common for first time moms. You have to learn somehow. But this time, I refuse to be a walking zombie, angry at the world, hating life for the first 6 months. I will learn, I will do things differently.

Future me, read this. Stick to it. Go back to bed!! 

What have you done with your kids in the past that you swear you will never do again?

 
 
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What Happens At The End Of My Rope

It may already be rather apparent that I’m not the greatest pregnant person in the world. I’m not one of those lucky girls who feel fabulous, have that glow, and look adorable with their basketball shaped tummy.

I get naseaous. I get really, really tired. I go through the “is she fat or pregnant” stage for quite awhile. And the kicker….I lose my patience with all things ridiculous rather quickly.

Last time, I was teaching. So when the kids started driving me nuts I could kick them outside for a run or simply hang on until the end of the day. This time, I’m stuck. My hubby has been working crazy hours and it’s basically been just me and the kid during the week for the last two weeks. I love him, but I think we’re both getting on each other’s nerves.

The other day I got to experience the joy of an hour and a half epic tantrum, complete with hitting and kicking me and the wall. It was one of those moments that made me stop and think, “where did I go wrong?”

 

It took all my strength, and taking away his trains for 2 days, to get to the other side, but we finally did. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. “How am I going to do this with two?” is all I could think about. It’s hard enough dealing with one when I’m on my own so much, but two is just plain scary.

I was still pretty mad at him by the end of the day. We went through our nightly routine, still read stories, still gave him a goodnight kiss, but I wasn’t exactly happy about it. All I wanted was a break.

About an hour later, I couldn’t even get that break. From the couch, I heard him crying in his room.

I sat. He cried.

I still sat. He still cried.

It took all my strength to get up there and deal with him. I’d had enough and all I wanted was to watch my show. Didn’t he get that???

Mostly asleep, he was obviously having some kind of nightmare or something. He knew I came into the room cause the crying stopped, but I could tell he still wasn’t settled. I kneeled down by his little bed, gave him a hug, and saw a smile on his sleeping little face.

It wasn’t just any smile, it was a goofy, giddy, happy grin. My mommy is here.

My heart melted. All the annoyed, hurt, anger, disappointment from the day melted with that little smile. All he wanted was his mommy.

I found that at the end of my rope lies a little guy who just wants his mommy.

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Dear Peanut

Dear Peanut,

We are so excited to finally have you on the way to our little family. We’ve been hoping for you for almost a year now, and finally you are on your way.

I’m already anxious to know who you will be and what you will look like. Will you have your Daddy and brother’s cute little no butt? Will you have my eyes? Will you share your brother’s love of Thomas? Will you follow in his little footsteps, or will you carve your own path?

 

Whoever you are, whatever you will be, we all love you already. You are lucky to have LJ as your big brother, as long as he doesn’t love you to death. He may be taking over my title of Most Affectionate Person In The World. I hope you enjoy all his hugs and kisses as much as Daddy and I do. We can’t wait to get all of yours too!

For now, little one, just keep growing and getting strong. While I’m already sick and tired of being sick and tired, I’m so happy it’s for you.

We love you Peanut and December couldn’t get here soon enough.

Love,

Mommy, Daddy, and LJ

 

 

 

 

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When It Gets A Little TOO Quiet

Ever have those times when the kid(s) get a little too quiet. You hope and pray that they are being little angels, but deep down you know you are in for something disasterous.

Yesterday, LJ refused to nap, for the second day in a row….oh joy. So I let him get up, have a little something to eat, and gave him 10 minutes to play before we were going to try nap again. Par for the course lately, he was playing with his trains.

LJ: Mommy, where Gordon?
Me: In Mommy’s room.
(toddles off to my bedroom, only to be quiet for just a hair too long)
 
 
 
 

SOOOOO proud of himself! Laughing and falling and giggling and smiling. I couldn’t help but laugh along and try my best to grab pictures of the stumbling fashion crisis that was parading around my living room.

 
 
Yes LJ, you are a little stinker ;)
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Back From The Dead

Sick mommy + week before Christmas + last minute preparations + not getting dressed for days = no blogging

I’m back from rather unplanned 2 week disappearance from the face of the planet. Literally….I’ve seen no one but family. Talked to no one. Went no where. Did almost nothing but watch endless hours Teen Mom 2, Sons of Guns, and Top Gear.

So here, my friends, are the highlights of the past two weeks…

I got dressed, once, for a non-holiday related function. It was a baby shower, and it was a few days before I got sick, so technically it doesn’t count.

LJ spent hours and hours and hours watching the train go around the Christmas tree at my Grandparents.

We picked up Santa at the North Pole on the Polar Express! Cookies, chocolate milk, and 8 rounds of Jingle Bells later, the big moment with Santa came.

Christmas Eve with the in-laws and more classic pictures of the kids ;)

And LJ got just a few new toys ;)

While illness started my blogging break, family perpetuated it. It was wonderful to unplug and enjoy the season with my family.

Oh, and I got a haircut…. but you’ll have to check back later to see that one ;)

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Cousins

My sister-in-law and I attempted to take pictures of the boys in their adorable Christmas outfits.

LJ wanted no part of this…

Sometimes you need your baby cousin to slap you into shape!

Or be the adorable star of the show when you bug out :)

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A Big Boy

I think every parent goes through this at some point.

When I was pregnant, everyone told me to enjoy every moment, cause it goes so fast.

When we are in Costco sitting next to two sweet elderly couples we tend to have accidental lunch dates with, they tell me the same thing.

When LJ is having a full blown meltdown in the checkout at Target cause we had to pay for his Lightning McQueen vitamins, the sweet grandma in line behind me reminded me that he won’t be little forever, this too shall pass.

 

Then I got LJ’s very first school picture. Sopping wet, stretched out polo, cheesy grin and all.

I know why they all say it goes so fast :(

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