It may already be rather apparent that I’m not the greatest pregnant person in the world. I’m not one of those lucky girls who feel fabulous, have that glow, and look adorable with their basketball shaped tummy.
I get naseaous. I get really, really tired. I go through the “is she fat or pregnant” stage for quite awhile. And the kicker….I lose my patience with all things ridiculous rather quickly.
Last time, I was teaching. So when the kids started driving me nuts I could kick them outside for a run or simply hang on until the end of the day. This time, I’m stuck. My hubby has been working crazy hours and it’s basically been just me and the kid during the week for the last two weeks. I love him, but I think we’re both getting on each other’s nerves.
The other day I got to experience the joy of an hour and a half epic tantrum, complete with hitting and kicking me and the wall. It was one of those moments that made me stop and think, “where did I go wrong?”
It took all my strength, and taking away his trains for 2 days, to get to the other side, but we finally did. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. “How am I going to do this with two?” is all I could think about. It’s hard enough dealing with one when I’m on my own so much, but two is just plain scary.
I was still pretty mad at him by the end of the day. We went through our nightly routine, still read stories, still gave him a goodnight kiss, but I wasn’t exactly happy about it. All I wanted was a break.
About an hour later, I couldn’t even get that break. From the couch, I heard him crying in his room.
I sat. He cried.
I still sat. He still cried.
It took all my strength to get up there and deal with him. I’d had enough and all I wanted was to watch my show. Didn’t he get that???
Mostly asleep, he was obviously having some kind of nightmare or something. He knew I came into the room cause the crying stopped, but I could tell he still wasn’t settled. I kneeled down by his little bed, gave him a hug, and saw a smile on his sleeping little face.
It wasn’t just any smile, it was a goofy, giddy, happy grin. My mommy is here.
My heart melted. All the annoyed, hurt, anger, disappointment from the day melted with that little smile. All he wanted was his mommy.
I found that at the end of my rope lies a little guy who just wants his mommy.